“For women, shame is to do it all, do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat..the nobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations of who we’re supposed to be.” Brené Brown
This quote hits me to the core. I recognize this woman, know the shame well. For most of my life, I’ve been her. A mother, wife, daughter, friend putting everyones needs first and trying to live up to colossal expectations; always feeling less than, unsure and exhausted. And then I was inexplicably called to be a life coach. The journey transformed me. From the outside I may look the same, but my inner landscape is shifting creating an inner-peace, confidence and power that, honestly, surprises me at times. Here are a few of the pieces of gold I’ve gleaned on my journey back to self.
I lost myself being a full time mother.
This isn’t a judgment; it’s just a fact. I loved those years and would do it all over, however, there was a necessity of selflessness in birthing and raising small children that estranged me from me. I became consumed with everyone else’s needs I no longer even knew what mine were.
Courageous Self-Love is my Compass
I choose to love and honor myself in all that I do. Self-care is the foundation on which I structure my life. This means saying no, asking for what I want, accepting help and generally holding myself lightly. Honoring myself takes courage because it goes against societal expectations; it often goes against my first instinct as a mother and it forces me to use my voice. On the other hand, when I listen to my heart, hear my own wisdom and live from here a miraculous power comes forth.
I crave inner-peace, not balance.
Nothing in my life is balanced, so I let go of the expectation. My life is incredibly full and there is not one part I want to give up. Instead I choose to surrender to the chaos. I feel integrity and inner-peace around being the architect of my own crazy busy life.
Change begins with me.
I’ve spent a life time taking responsibility for everyone else’s problems. (Enabler with a capital E) I now choose to hold those around me as whole, resourceful and capable and I hold myself to this same standard. As I focus on creating the change I want, those around me naturally shift. I can’t know how things will shift, but I can be assured of movement of some kind and I know I am safe and taken care of in the process.
My Favorite Things.